Dead Or Alive

We talked for a long time under a big tree. The branches of the tree were so wide it could provide just enough shade.
I sat on one of the big rocks that had become fixed to the ground close to the root of the tree, while he sat on one of the tree stems, close to me, looking me straight in the eyes like someone in desperate search for something so important.

He asked me so many personal questions about my life which I kept answering in a manner like I wanted to prove a point, hoping that each question would be last. I wondered why I even felt the need to respond to his interrogations or prove any point to him when I didn’t even know a single thing about who he was or why he was even asking me those questions in the first place. Obviously, he was much older and seemed to very wise. He was all dressed in white and had a peaceful demeanor. He looked incapable of causing any harm. There was something about him, something about him that made me so relaxed. Even though I felt under so much pressure because of his terrifying unending questions of “why” and “what” and “how”, I was surprisingly still and calm. I was hoping he would at some point let me know the essence of the whole talk, but I was wrong. He just ended by telling me to go to Revelations 3 verse 1. And that was it.

Immediately, I woke up from my sleep. It was a very long dream, and it was so real! I wanted to go back, I wanted to know what it all meant. It was becoming an interesting discussion and I wanted to ask a lot of questions, but I woke up. Did I say woke up?. No. I jumped out from the bed, sweating, scared, and with all sorts of wonder. I immediately remembered there was a bible passage from the dream and then I went to get my bible and opened Rev. 3 : 1, hoping that I’d have some sort of clue. It read:

“To the angel of the church in Sardis write: These are the words of him who holds the seven spirits of God and the seven stars. I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead”.

My heart skipped. I was suddenly breathing so fast, sweating more and the confusion had just heightened. I woke up at about 5.00AM and couldn’t even lie down back again.


It was around around September/October 2015. I had just finished secondary school in August and was at home. I had given my life to Christ in JSS 2 and I knew I loved the Lord. I was Chapel prefect in Secondary school from SSS 2 till I graduated and I often led devotions, Bible reading sessions, chapel activities, etc. In fact, to say I loved doing them looks like an understatement. I loved how much wisdom and light came from the bible and had begun to enjoy studying the bible so much and praying during these times as chapel prefect, and I tried to talk to some other of my classmates too about the Lord.

Towards the end of SSS 3, I started wanting to be like everyone else, just a little freer, a bit of this and that. Of course, I was still that person who did all the chapel activities like her life depended on it, but I wanted to have fun, just a bit. Its not like it was a decision, it was subtly creeping in at that time; ending secondary school, feeling like someone who has achieved a lot, just wanting to chill with life a little bit, subconsciously.

I started having discussions I normally wouldn’t have, being in locations I normally wouldn’t be found, doing nothing wrong in particular, but not doing right either, not wanting to be seen as the odd one and still wanting to be me…

Gradually, I started having wrong thoughts and wanting to act on them. I was still reading my bible, praying and carrying out all the other activities, but inside of me, I knew something was gradually fading away. Slowly, but surely.

This was me, at home after secondary school, neither here nor there, but having sufficient portions of both side. Getting a phone for the first time after secondary school, I was free to chat and talk to anyone and at any length I wanted and oh, the internet…

I kept wrong communications, while sincerely still wanting to be right.


I was puzzled, confused, wondering how the passage in the dream concerned me or my life. I was terribly worried, and so much for a mere dream!, I didn’t know why. I became quiet throughout that day and it kept ringing in my mind “…I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead”.

Why this bothered me so much, I didn’t understand. It kept making my heart skip till evening, until I decided I needed to have my peace. I wanted to know why that passage was written in the first place, why it even concerned me. So, that night, I sat down, picked up my bible and started pondering over it. I read from revelations chapter 1 up to chapter 3, and I was stunned. I kept wondering what it meant to be ‘dead‘, and then Chapter 3 verse 15 and 16 read further; I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth“.

I thought about my life’s journey so deeply and I became very sober, I was moved to tears and to my knees. I started to ask the Lord to renew my life. I prayed and cried so much and then I made up my mind: This is who I am, this is who I’d be; a child of God, living and not dead or lukewarm. I decided I didn’t just want to have a form of righteousness but the whole of it. I knew I had to take a stand, and that it required me to totally give up some things, some persons and even some of me. I decided to stand with the Lord.

I’ve had to keep deciding to stand through this journey. It’s always the best decision of my life and it only gets better.

Ps.: This is a true life story. Fine details about the dream had been forgotten as its been 5 years from now.

Food for Thought:
~ In life, we have to keep asking ourselves where we truly belong, and stand firm.
There’s no such position as “neither here nor there”...
“…Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind” James 1:6
We can’t be on both sides of the road.

And God sees our hearts, He knows when we sincerely want to do the right thing and He knows how to get us back if we would submit
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise”. Psalm 51 : 17

~ God’s love is overwhelming. He picks us up from our deepest darkness and shines His light on us.
He gives beauty for ashes😊

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us ALIVE with Christ even when we were DEAD in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved”.
Eph. 2 : 5

Have any personal questions or comments? Contact Me😊

God Bless You!❤

Published by Jay

Christian, lover of Jesus, music and writing. Medical student at the University of Port Harcourt, Nigeria. Email -

35 thoughts on “Dead Or Alive

  1. Living reputation, but dead reality…this caught my heart. God help us to be worthy of the callibg for which we have been called. Thanks for this beautiful piece…the message is clear!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow! I remeber my own ecounter with that book, same 3 vs 2b,” ..your actions do not meet the requirements of my God” I broke down in tears too. Thank God for His love that never gives up on us

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Such is true of believers today. The devil is slowly but constantly blurring the line that distinguishes righteousness from sin and it’s truly a subtle fade, till you discover you’re no longer standing where you thought you stood. May His grace continue to keep us.

    Thanks for sharing ma.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeaaa…that we will evaluate ourselves in the light of God’s word to ensure that we are standing…

      Thanksss a lot for reading through!😊


  3. Food for Thought:
~ In life, we have to keep asking ourselves where we truly belong, and stand firm.
There’s no such position as “neither here nor there” –

    I will always ponder on this.

    Thank you Jaydee
    God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great piece girl….have been studying Revelations in deptly for the first time in my life…this is just a reminder of what I learnt….thank You💌

    Liked by 1 person

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